Gabarro and Kotter's Harvard Business Review classic is still one of the clearest explanations of managing up. Its main argument is that the relationship with your manager is one of mutual dependence, not passive observation. Your boss needs reliable information, honest signals, and strong execution from you. You need context, priorities, air cover, and resources from them.

That framing matters because it removes a lot of the stigma people attach to managing up. The point is not flattery or politics. The point is understanding how your manager works, what they need from you, and how to reduce avoidable friction in one of the most important relationships in your working life.

Gabarro and Kotter introduce a concept the authors call "counterdependence," which describes people who instinctively resist authority and minimize how much they need their manager. This is just as dysfunctional as overdependence. Counterdependent people avoid bringing problems upward, resist asking for help, and often frame their independence as a strength when it is actually creating blind spots. Gabarro and Kotter argue that mature professionals recognize the dependency as real and work to make it productive rather than pretending it does not exist.

One of the most practical sections focuses on understanding your manager's working style. Some managers are readers: they want a written brief before a conversation so they can process the information on their own terms. Others are listeners: they want to hear you talk through the issue and think out loud together. Sending a detailed memo to a listener or dropping into a reader's office for an impromptu verbal download are both small mismatches that create disproportionate friction. The fix is straightforward: pay attention, ask directly, and adapt. This is not about subordination. It is about communication effectiveness.

The authors also make a strong case for the role of honest information flow in the relationship. Many people filter bad news upward, either softening it or delaying it until the situation is already critical. This feels protective in the moment but destroys trust over time. Your manager cannot make good decisions with bad information, and when they eventually discover the gap, it erodes confidence in everything else you report. They argue that being selectively honest is functionally the same as being unreliable.

What makes this piece endure after decades of publication is that the underlying dynamics have not changed. Power is still uneven. Communication still breaks down over small mismatches. And most people still underinvest in the relationship with their manager because they assume it is the manager's job to make it work. Gabarro and Kotter's central argument is that it is yours too.

## Key ideas to carry into practice

- Managing your boss starts with understanding their goals, pressures, strengths, weaknesses, and preferred ways of working.
- A better relationship usually comes from better information flow and clearer expectations, not more deference.
- Learn whether your manager is a reader or a listener and adapt your communication accordingly.
- Avoiding dependency on your manager is just as dysfunctional as being overdependent. Recognize the relationship as mutual.
- You have responsibility for making the relationship work, even when the power dynamic is uneven.
- Small communication mismatches can create large problems if they stay unspoken for too long.

Common questions

Q: How do I tell my manager that the current way they are changing priorities is making it hard to execute?

**A:** Frame it as a shared operating problem. Try: "I want to flag a pattern I think is hurting execution. When priorities shift late in the week, I lose time reworking plans and the team gets mixed signals. Can we agree on what should trigger a true priority change versus what can wait for the next planning check-in?"

Q: What is the managing-up move here?

**A:** The move is not complaining upward. It is giving your manager useful information about impact and proposing a better working model.